open wide and say huh???

again as always i set out to tarry on a subject and yet again get carried away and find myself so far off the beaten path of my thoughts i know not where i have been or was headed. mostly it amuses me  very seldom does it bother me anymore.. i have said rite off the start this was about the mental challenge i face.. interesting only if you wish an answer to the oft heard comment what is wrong with you. i am not alone in having challenges in this world nor am i alone in the small sphere i occupy. so many different ways to differ from the norm.. do you agree with all the world wishes. i doubt it   it is possible there is no normal that everybody has a gripe. maybe how we deal with it is the problem perhaps how we ignore common sense if there is such a thing. seems to me everything is okay as long as you dont get caught is the unspoken accepted belief. so many times i have been told that so and so is worse. i do not care who is worse i am stuck with but that is better . even on here i am stuck with the inability of knowing what is proper or right.. hard to be an individual when an ego has its say. must i listen to myself  my worst critic  must i constantly be reminded that what i say is not correct or fair.. i follow impulse. i follow whims of fancy.  every time i attempt to follow some accepted rule i flail and sink in the quicksand of reason and consideration.. oh well on Facebook i still attempt -fail often of course but i try harder there than here.. to me a blog is a trash can of thought that is shared by bored or inquisitive people. is that bad to say  why do i wonder about others. well simple . i wish attention. i am as addicted to attention as i am to cigarettes and junk food well sugar and i wander again. the point of my blog was to share with others the pain and joy of being off beat or weird different confused mixed up lost in the world of do as we do . mostly i am here to help myself deal with my issues  to get out some of the rampant thoughts that constantly plague me. i have the pleasure of attracting attention from some and it is almost a curse because just like an issue of south park points out once we gain attention it is terrible to lose it… so i attempt to do as i need to in order that i manage my confusion. there is no happy medium for me i follow thoughts that fly like well flies. no apparent purpose just react or overreact to shadows seldom seen only imagined.  lol well i did say impulse . for some bizarre reason i am happier now  i have said the hell with convention and reason and just wandered around and now i can just go do. what i dont know but i will do it with a clear mind and a sense  no matter how conflicted and unstable of having a purpose. cruise control on a out of control vehicle. oh fun .. funny how as i type this the magnotta case is being discussed on the idiot box. what a waste of time  is he responsible for his actions   oh how i hate lawyers. what twisted logic the world allows to protect the insane from the sane. same with the recent Oklahoma beheading  suspect   what the hell  how can anyone call this man a suspect.. shot in the commission of a crime by a deputy sheriff/cfo whatever that is  who is apparently either a terrible shot or an idiot.. i try to remind myself that shooting a madman as he is attacking yet another person is tough as to miss and hit the victim is a terrible dilemma so i will tell myself to shut=up and get back to the point.. society insist we treat him as innocent till proven guilty but by our actions we should be judged .. what a bloody mess of misused rights   agin friggin lawyers. another needed evil that constantly feeds on its need to society to fulfill its own selfish desires. oh well i can tks to a very helpful social worker just shrug and say i can only judge myself ..lol i can however call them names and laff and scorn them . never said i made sense.

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more of the same

just as a note  just because I write about stuff doesn’t make it my opinion  just as S. KING is not a murdering psychopath nor am I anything but an inventor of words collected.  there is one scribble in here that makes some people wonder how crazy I am or how dangerous I am. yes I am crazy no I am not insane or dangerous to others. and on with the babble

as there are rules about content of disturbing nature the following should be read as an example of how i use writing to counter the numbing effects of depression.this is not a warning sign….lol just bad poetry
i keep thinking but nothing gets thru
i keep wondering how it is for you
i keep on letting my mind roll around
i keep wondering what its like underground
i wonder wha the sky would be like
i cant stop thinking that life really bites
i cant stop my mind from rolling around
oh god how i want to be underground
why do we repeat the mistakes that we make
why is it we try so hard to save face
what is it we think we gain if we win
why is it so many all want to pull the last pin
it hurts dear god to think we will face you
when we give up the ghost when we come back to you
why is it many people seem to dwell in this place
where freedom is death the end of the race
i want to scream to make all understand
before i am planted deep in the ground
why are we frightened of the dark the unknown
why cant we accept that we cant understand
so many minutes and hours,days and then years
eternity will fly by yet still life seemingly stands
death preoccupies us life is annoying
yet cling to it we must we dont understand
youth is so fleeting as adults we stand
petrified of that we dont understand
i want to enjoy life
i dont understand
why i spend my life living
already underground
please god if you could just give me a clue
what it was you meant me to do
.
like i said dont take it to heart..just rhyming whining

a smile breaks my face cracks
another link in the chain shattered
painful pleasure this i cannot resist
words stumble make no sense
face brightens cant back off
chit chat make a mess of it
driven by what i do not know
wouldnt give up a heartbeat of it
my shining star my warming sun
that smile far past priceless
ive heard the term follow your heart
but this approaches ridiculous
why cant i find the words i wish
like the ones i practiced last night
im out of time ohh alas
i have done failed yet again
try again tomorrow no doubt
but for now i leave with my coffee
and my pride still intact?

bitter pill
he knew as he sat he should not be there
she with her coffee he has a beer
furtive glances bald innuendos
no thought for tomorrow
now here bold new
exiting frightning partly revenge
to have for himself to take to possess
to return ruined to brag to blame
no honour no glory
just a flag to wave a notch
and he scores he thinks
lightly touching adjusting
she preens-too often ignored?
she blushes at his compliments
her eyes too full to see
the emptiness inside
meaningless poetry
is she lost does she know the way
with which dice does she gamble today
promises given forgotten
blame quickly arranged
take no prisoners
until you have lost
rewrite history to serve youre needs
invent filler for spaces
where logic leaves questions
who is at fault i ask
and silence descends
as fingers are pointing
at everyone else

 learning from history.
off the wall thru the roof
his mind is not quite there
upside down back and forth
hither hither there
where he stops nobody knows
or has ever seen it
he’s got A.D.D with a hyper flair
and narcissism thrown in
great minds think alike
much ado about nothing
2 heads are better than one
so add schizophrenic
rob tomorrow to pay today
like aseops grasshoppers way
pave the road with good intentions
we doubt hell make it to heaven
doesnt do for others what he wishes for himself
his habits a second nature
he tries something and then forgets
out of mind out of sight
not just the cart before the horse
no road,no map,not loaded
he can’t make an omlette
without cracking something
and then forgets the pan
and burns the bottom of it
a scalded cat cold water hates
he’s got less sense than that
blond jokes he lives them up
but with a twisted flair
and often goes in for stiches
here.here.there
idleness the mother of sin
we actually beg to forgive that
no news is good news or bad
he is trying to hide it
take everthing he says with a
big bucket of salt
sometimes not even he believes it
but still the bull comes out
the more things change the better he likes it
just doesnt consider his socks
grass hopper grasshopper please change your ways
 like a ball in a machine
aiming for pins
i rarly hit the target
no high score
name not recorded
no flashing bells
just push my buttons
and fly off again
caught in a maze
richochet around
hit a few good combinations
adding to the score
i thoght by now
id be better at this
rather perplexing
miss miss score
 oh well
….keep up the good work
lonely sentinels gathered
breathing our poisons in
cleansing the air that we breathe
of the smoke when they burn
sheltering us w/o branches or leaves
keeping us fixed without thier roots
the trees of life
the tree of knowledge
bringer of news when reduced to pulp
bridges chasms….walk that plank
picks your teeth….holds icy treats
plied together finger jointed
mitered and coved when put back together
bugged to death
and make way for the fields
just keep doing your job
and ignore our downsizing
he died for us and i wonder if he found it a good deal
betrayed by his friend sold out for thirty coins
shown less mercy than common thieves
what lesson to learn from his example
he forgives us if only we ask
used as a curse his name
far more often than a blessing
i wonder if he sent a memo to management
suggesting more comprehensive studies next time
i was never happy working for my father
how easy i got off i see
here is a man who would not fit in today
a man in charge of P.R.
a man between the law maker and breakers
forced to intercede on behalf of those
who fear the cost of thier sins
:get a life i have no life what do you wish me to be…an actor a charlatan.i can mirror your personality,
SHOW me what you wish me to be and i can mimic you perfectly…..

recieving knowledge we do not wish to know
like liver and spinach
good for you yuch!
grow strong healthy
increase your strenght
do not eat junk food
a painful slow death
rotting your wisdom teeth
liver and spinach yuch !

OK enuff alrighty i have to type this later you know can i have some time for myself please i have to take care you see there is more to life than your newest idea why dont you sit there and wait patiently heh heh come back here oh you are a rodent

:03 3/9/13 A.K.A. acceptance
i have succeded in exposing the kernel of truth..striping away the husk of times cover… slowly patiently 1 by 1 that which covers shields hides is removed and i stand stunned by the fact there are rows upon rows of truth.each one corect seemingly similiar yet when i look and see the whole there are many i do not wish to see Blinders! darkness i long to return to ignorance.even now my sight is fading removing the blighted bloated loathsome one that repulse me.covering themanew with misplaced logic making sure i see only that which i choose.how human of me i say with selfforgivnes. it is only right there is a fly in the ointment a squeaking wheel my mind begins to work making excusses erasing memory that i take pride in myself again.HOLD THE PHONE BATTLE STATIONS!!!!fight this do not shy away from the lesson..painful searing truth…..honesty fights unwilling to be part of this sham….Ruthlessly stripping away the convienient hasty lie and exposing again the truth therein ? look it demands and i obey…for every action there is a reaction…here is truth there is lies honour shame love hate every golden kernel matched by darkness and blight ..this is the truth of man ..you can be anything you want, see how the ones you seek to hide  grow do not feed them .yes they are cunning they wish to survive all man is thus you are healthy look at the balance sheet god will not condemn you for being what he made .it is pointless to deny the existance of that which must be…but it is only when we allow them to hide that they grow in the darkness  the light if truth ,checks thier growth do not fear them do not hide them confront them let them know they exist by the need to be fair again i look row upon row and see the logic… there is hatred love is hugging it greed gets paid by generosity in acceptance  selfishness mobbed poor sadness cannot escape joy and is weeping frustrated tears… yes ,truth says, relentlessly hugging so many to himself he is nearly obscured ,you may not like it but we are all here
part of the bigger picture deja-vu3
you see a picture..and your heart stops
it matters not the cost you must have that picture
a negative sliver a hole you must fill

words each one a second of time taken together a sentence how long
 my love for you is as a stream winding our way thru the nooks and crannies of life now apart then together it matters not we share the pain the joy the agony. bound by that we dont understand but relish the mystery.we differ in origins, you mountain I spring, yet rejoice we have joined in the chaotic river of life. sometimes we are caught in treacherous eddies over falls we are dashed head over heels it matters not where we are bound to go only that we get there together you and I
 i went to the barroom to buy me a beer just a little time away from my wife my dear she’s driving me crazy i’m going insane i just see my life wasted my hopes all in vain
it all started real simple i dont understand the mess yes i’m guilty as hell i must confess yet if we’rre together wouldnt it figure that we work it out that we share what we do here
im beginning to think that the only fact that matters is the size of the bulge in my back pants pocket
if i am her all the love of her life why do we try so hard to impress all the others
yes i can see that status improves the jist of our lives but why must we move i don’t like this house so empty and bleak yes i know you fill it each week with empty snide people they gossip behind your back did know they are saying your *** is as fat as my wallet shurely must be
get a grip keep it together i mutter as i drain my glass and order another this could be a problem i begin to think what if i go home and blurt it all out
if love is blind this match made in heaven is one helluva eye opener my dear god forever
oh well off i go jiggity jig ha you thought i was gonna say home to the pig
no i still love her and always will she says she loves me to death and maybe thats better
i run from the truth i hide from the law
i put myself above others
but i am not so bad
it may be true i know it has been said
others are no better
this is small comfort
i wish to compare myself to my peers

misplaced money
oh my darling oh my angel oh the love of my life
let me kiss you and clasp you to my breast
i will never leave you in that please trust me
there will never be another you are everything to me
how could i share you with another
i’ve sought you all my life
let us join in blissful existence
i treasure you you empower me others envy my life with you in it
you are the object of my desire you keep me awake all night
join with me and add your offspring to my life
for you are my hearts one true love
i wish to add all the beauty you can provide
lifes not worth living without you by my side
why is it easier to close my eyes to the truth
when i know i am stumbling around in the dark
do i prefer the pain i cause myself by not helping
am i so selfish even now that i hurt others rather than trying
it is so easy to believe that any good i do will be used by others
with no chance of recompense
yet if i could give freely without thought to reward
i would be free to do as i wish
why do i close my mind
why can i not accept the most basic premise of all
i will reap what i sow
my love for you is as a rose
heady intoxicatio in you i find
each petal slowly unfurling
to reveal a different side
yes there are thorns
i believe they are needed
lest complacency spring forth
and turn to dust that which i needed
your balm to my beleagured heart
POOR DUMB ANIMALS
no bottles no cans
no plastic bags
no rings around your neck
no nets in which to drown
no new drug tests
no mazes no needles
no living in tiny cells
no wearing you around our neck
no pesticides to damage your eggs
no beauty tests
no raping the land
no stealing your homes
no killing your babies for sport
no hunting you down for the rack on your head
good thing you cant reason
you blow us off earth
more verbiage called homeless
Alone amoung us he stands like a lone charred lightning hit tree
he bled pain thru our eyes with his croooked stance with his plea
the torture of years past plain in ere contorted muscle as plain as the time etched lines carving his face
the pain in his voice was far by the worst no physical abuse could equal the emotions scarred,ripped,shredded and cut that took his voice thru every hurt and oh lord how it cut so quick to our conscience
how quick we were to bleed money out of are pockets and he laffed and scoffed and groweled at our pain and said stop buying fish and going home
it is amazing how colours are used
feeling blue? does your love miss you too
perhaps your friends are green with envy
her dad seems to be in a black mood
red is love,blinded of course
matched to anger niether can see
pure as the driven snow
white is her purity and ahh
where did that go?
yellow is what tempers red when lust fades
friends replace frenzy
love grows green as yellow and red blend
eventually budding into the brown of those diapers
ha ha !! pink and blue
does that make you purple
like your face is gonna blow ….. i claim literary license … lol or colour blindness.
here is example of why i dont bother editing a little
as written
my fields are empty my lands barren of a crop worth harvesting
i spend all my time worrying about weeds
that grow only because of the fertile poison of my mind
i worrry if i grow corn oats and wheat
my nieghbours will take what i dont eat
selfisness is the fertilizer i spread so lavishly
laziness the crop i sow
thistles the crop i reap
and store in the barn i neglect
and now an attempt to edit

yes i have a garden of which i am so proud
vanity grows like mad amoung the towering ego
pride suffocates anger chokes
there is no place here for charity,love,hope
venomous hatred lavishly distributed
diluted with others tears
i carefully cultivate that i do not disturb
the roots of envy and greed
no love is lost-instead discarded like weeds
joy in the acccomplishments of others joins the pile
and i curse those who offer me the seeds of goodwill
preferring to take that which is not offered instead
why do i love this garden so much that i spend all my time
ensuring nothing will grow that
will comfort the hurt,sustain the hungry,support the weak
i have so little i say
because others may take that which they wish without my consent
in spite of the razor sharp wire of my ill concealed contempt
my prejudices,my hate,my version of the truth
surrounding the garden

alter-editing? so i pretty much leave things as they are
it is better for me to dislike a verse than to waste hours trying to make small changes i feel somewhat like a cheat because these are not dragged out of me most just go thier own way i just scribble the nonsense down
once upon a time
Knights of valour did stain with blood the battlefield
a stand against injustice
thier code a brand not endured lightly
loyalty honour fight greed
corruption like rust
insiduous creeping
forcing honest men from thier homes
staining truth ignoring that which true men die protecting
Kings and Queens rich and poor wait with hearts racing wildly
thier fate resting on the backs of men most would never know
once upon a time that is clearly past
evil could not stand against the might of right
but the winds of time have worn away the good
in mens hearts and souls
those eyes
her eyes like a ray of sun warming me
dance mystically
laughter flits there flecks glinting
her voice caressing my ears like the kiss
of a feather against the wind
she reminds me of a warm spring breeze
bringing the hope of life renewed
the scent of her fills my senses
already staggered by the beauty she possess
how my heart beats wildly with just that smile in her eyes
how deep her beauty soul deep
expressed thru those eyes
 ANGER
You hide inside me a stranger unwelcome unbidden showing up unexpectedly at the worst possible moment. How did you take root in the stony ground of my heart.From what do you gain sustinence that you keep growing.Leave me alone go back from whence you came you ugly sore
RADAR LOVE
i sit here watching, waiting, knowing you will arrive
you will not notice me bland disinterest my disguise
youre not eating right whats wrong are you ill
you should not spend so much time at youre work
i worry about you remember the other night
you where up late couldnt sleep
out gazing at the moon
we where so close then
just you and i
both my heart and time stood still
dont worry you are safe
i have seen to that
that guy who was bothering you
wont be coming back
here you come you are late
why are you crying
dont you know i love you
when you see me you smile
over on 4th street-im the clown
you smile and laugh
and look at me with your happy smile
i worrry you wont know me if i discard my disguise
but i dearly wish to comfort you
why are you crying
what are you carrying
a picture heh thats the guy
whos stolen shoes i am wearing
heh what do you want
leave me alone
i have a right to be here
leave that alone thats mine
thats it f off and leave me alone
get youre f’ing hands off
heh!heh!
i want my lawyer

under the whether

hi again . it has been a while and while I have a few good excuses mostly I am A depressed again and B trying to keep busy doing things that bring me happiness of sorts.  problem is I deal with people who dont seem to understand if they want me to do something I have to do it my way.. if they want it done their way I think they should do it .makes sense to me I dont think im being arrogant or anything -if I knew how to do it their way I would  quite happily  but I cannot cuz it doesn’t make sense to me

as for the depression I beat that these days by writing what I term gibberish. or to be precise something id like to think aboutr but lack the initiative to think about very hard. so I wing it and end up with something like the following

on my mind again is using technology and not necessarily science to change the world.  the world does not want change -it wants stability and security.
also timmmies plasma tvs and the latest best stuff. huh. funny it seems the world is as contrary as I am.
science isn’t wrong  …just blinded by popular opinion.. if science is so exact why the argument about string theory vs quantum theory.
why are so many people confused by the universe.
its there. it is.
yes I should stick this where it belongs- I am just lazy.
we think on the level we are taught to think.
we tend to accept that which we dont understand but like.
instant diets  quick fixes . faster sooner  .. not necessarily cheaper -we can just go on strike and fix OUR self indulgent problems.. so what if that compromises others..
I am also part of the problem .. I urge change without adequate research. I like mistakes. they damage my ego but they do expand my knowledge.
anyway. instead of doing my chores I sit here trying to research my crazy ideas.
boxes are safe places to be 4 walls and a roof
outside the box is cold damp and full of crazy people all clamouring to be heard
W.E. [ world enterprises ] doesn’t like me.
W.E. DOESNT LIKE ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE DIFFERENT THAN THEIR PLAN DICTATES
complainers whiners special needs interests   all irritants to W.E.
but actually they are fairly good about it . they have better things to do than worry bout us . they make laws and hire police and build jails for the most outspoken who find desperate action the only way to counteract
W.E.  doesn’t really care
if you are different your real enemy is people like me.. other differents.  self serving opinionated egotistical people who dont like others either but go around whining about it. W.E dont care they view us as bugs.  I view differents as a threat to my plan ,, how can I get W.E. to listen to “I”  if you are making so much noise.. shut up I hate you   go away. stop stealing my limelight.
us -the guys and girls, fine be like that , break the rules W.E. has established as the norm.  us’s are the mutants. the changlings the problem for now and evermore.  why us’s dont get it is cuz you are the problem. all the W.E.’s get along and dont argue cuz the rules are there to follow,,, sure they wrote them ,whats wrong with that  us’s do not agree … so intent on our plan that differs from your plan that getting along will never happen.
and that is why W.E. will always rule and accept only that which the majority like.
and yes politicians will make a few token changes and mollify the largest whiners but in motion only.  a token bone to shut up the popular dissension.
oh how nice it would be to get “it” to be a W.E. instead of a M.E. [minority example] .. to ignore lol common sense and just get with the program
it actually sounds a lot easier. boring as hell but then again  excited to the point of insanity aint exactly a cake walk either…

and that is my humble opinion and I will change when I get bored

poeted a scribble of thoughts that sometimes ryme

I thought new page might be better for this  but I will try to separate somehow later after I read directions after I post all this stuff in a big jumbled pile lol like my clothes.. this may be better off called the good the worse and the horrible  but  not all thoughts are necessarily the view of the author but I like to explore in writing and this is a journey all right  and on with the insanity that is my creative  mind   hope you enjoy loving or hating these

hope,,,,, out of Pandora’s box

Bruised
Battered and broken
Clinging desperately to life
You are a stubborn one i’ll give you that
How you persevere in the face of oppression
I do not comprehend what gives you the strength to carry on
Others far stronger have resigned themselves
What dream do you have from which to draw your strength
From a locked box you came
Opened by curiosity
Ridiculed and vilified by your brethren
Beaten for the light you bring
That compromises the darkness they seek to have take hold
I will follow you for awhile and see what fate has in store for you

 

And the clock strikes 3

i think if i write enough
i will get to that which bothers me the most
like a pebble in my shoe here now gone again
an earworm from my youth
i know not what i seek
i hope it willl come to me
i hate to think of all the time
i could have wasted
instead of chasing a dream
a moment in time
a thought lost
some recollection
remembered dimly
distraction overtakes me
i change direction
i wander aimlessly
words cannot paint the picture trapped in my mind

 

for no reason other than i can
contradiction
eyes closed to the past …expecting a distant future..how i rail at that which deceives me into thinking i’m alone…..thought empty of promise fills my aching head with its echo….the words unclear a montage of images searing my blind eyes and now the voices are back insisting i listen to thier silent message

 

fabled Aesop
the fox who sneered at the grapes he couldnt reach
tho wolf who cried foul so as to kill the sheep
the grasshopper who died for just skipping thru life
the scorpion killing the dog and dying as well
the 2 ***** and the donkey they had
the hunter skunked 3 times bleep bleep

isnt it silly we do not learn from historic tales and imagine its the times that create the people we read about in the papers
the nature of man has always been here

 

is it not that i question myself to discover my self worth
but self indulgance
do i help others as to gain thier attention
do i stand alone for fear of rejection
do i sharpen my wit to discourage opinion
do i write merely to pass the time
i hope not i fear so

 

hi again anew day
07:23 3/9/13
i am begining to see what words are for.ammo yes a tool used indiscriminitly they can hurt.these words must be controled like mickey mouses brooms they have come to life stiring up the dust of memories lurking in corners.ihave lost control,is there no limit,no checks like some twisted form of credit -the more i use i more i get slow down you rampant spawn of creativity let me consider a moment i wish to have some control instead they jump me and take over again

 

i get on the bus and see so many people with invisible friends beside them.they must be considerate thier friends get the window seat

love is not a dud
or that to be amusing
love is not to scoff
or grudges holding
love is no diamond
perfect crystal clear
love can be annoying
whats that dear?
love is always flexing
shared give and take
love is always sharing
lifes litle cakes
love is never easy
a tough path to take
love will never die
life for the human race

 

she sits on a chair and stares
a bemused grin in eye
head cocked slightly
the posture says why?
are you doing that
that silly way
what are you not thinking
why?why?why?
what is wrong with a pot
and a stove to go with it
why are you making noodles
in my nice new coffee maker
“i do not have the time
to sit around and wait
the watched pot boils
in minutes 7-8
by the time i get my noodles
its gone past eleven
but with our! nice new coffe pot
its 4 minutes straight”
a look that i have seen before
is wrinkling on her face
astonished confused bewilderment
it will soon go away
when she eats up all my noodles
and tells me make some more
and hurry up cuz while the pot is good and hot
she’d like some coffe in it

 

deja vu 2u2
spoken with whispered tenderness
hi good morning
hmm heh mmmm good mornin
you look fairly lost .whatcha thinkin
well i had a dream a long time ago and hmmm this is awkward well umm forgive me but you were not in my dreams back then-delivered with a very hesitant look
she kisses him sweetly thinking back happily, that was no dream
go on she kisses into his ear
his blush alarming her now she grows concerned
what is it please tell me
he cannot meet her eye and his hand -unknown to him, seeks the comfort of her breast
ah last nite..well..it was kind of umm like ..ahh the first time.. with
she interrupts eyes sparkling really? and suddenly feels the slow heat of shyness starting its way up her face..did..did you….like it ? she manages to nibble out and it is the perfect thing to say so close he reaches out for her and the conversation ends

 

Life’s Like That
Why do i sit here. Writing waiting. What is it i hope to find.
Do i know for what im searching. Is it a case of running blind.
How can it be i see the end now.
Do i wish i had changed my mind.
Like i could have if i wanted too.
Some curses were meant to remain.
At least i know what i was missing.
I do now know where the truth is stored.
I can imagine picking up all the pieces.
But i whine an say my backbone is gone.
Cant somebody please sweep up those pieces.
And humpty dumpty together my brain.
I have said self-questioning is fairly scary.
Suicide is an end that comes to mind.
But not to question seems just as stupid.
Why stick in the same rut for the rest of time.
Quite possibly my devious mind informs me.
This rut is just like all the others.
So i question myself and steer remotely.
And sit on the fence and wonder why.
This rut i am in is gaining dimensions .
That bring an undertaker clearly to mind.
My balls are aching and clearly complaining.
they want to know why they aint made of brass.
they have taken a vote and then informed me.
They seriously intend to kick my  ass
Why oh why cant i just act normaller.
You know the good little boy who sat still in class

 

…… NICE TRY GUY…
.with credit card paperweight..
she pauses and considers,a lonely day
children gone,man at work,dog at vet
no calls ,no appointments,hair cut tomorrow
spic and span,mr glad and muscle have been and gone
what is that strange sound she hears
she considers its silent merit
and with a shrug of her mighty shoulders
she decides to go bake a cake
go figger ehh!hasnt she heard of the mall?
Happy mothers day!your hair looks great
……………love…child-man-dog-husband
.
P.S. thers a game on tonite can you pick up some beer?
she pauses and considers
and makes up the couch

 

they sit quietly..two lovers in then night,each immersed in thoughts of the other,linked by more than clasped hands.the stars gleam in the night sky,there is no moon.he wonders out loud if she will be his star she kisses him and all is quiet again.

 

why not follow the beaten pathit is an easier route to tale many feet have worn a groove you can walk it in the dark what is it you find so enjoyable in forcing your way through there do you not worry you might get lost what if you should stumble and fall who will find you why not take the beaten path it will save you time we have leveled out all the hils there is no need to climb straight level many rest stations on the way why is it you do not like our path come try it you will see this is the way it should be done come try it our way what do you mean go with you do you know how much work that is its a complete waste of time why would i go somewhere ive never been hardship and toil blood sweat and tears our forefathers did that for us come take advantage of thier work and do things our way why are you so stubborn what do you hope to find why do you insist on going youre own way heh where are you goingcome back cant you see the sign dangerous no tresspassing its for your own protection damn you you stubborn *** youre going to get us killed where the hell are we going theres no map for this place dammit these prickles hurt why must we climb over rocks hills and trees where are we going do you know the way why do you drag me here great a bog how wonderful full of bugs slime and things what now why are you stopping have you lost your way oh my god look at that thats something ive never ever seen

 

i do apologize to any who find this upsetting or in real bad taste
Suicide by Shredder
Your light is extinguished
the warmth you gave so freely
now feeding the earths cool embrace
why did you burn out so soon
you gave us a security we toook for granted
always there guiding us
diminishing the darkness
that lurks in our hearts
we wish you did not feel the need
to change your existance
into one we do not comprehend
we will miss you bitterly
but remember with love in our hearts
your light your warmth
however even in death
your humour stinks
your last words
here i rest in pcs
common

 

12:30
i gaze out my window arcs of light fading into the night yet the darkness does not touch me now errant noises do not disturb my reflections looking inward i see calm no eddies to carrry thoughts away i rest easy pacified by the soothing passage of words on to paper revealing my thoughts to me strange how we know so litle of ourselves the potential escapes us it is peacful now my mind like the lover who lies sated content with the feelings expended
would that i suffer this strange delusion more often without hiding away seeking solace in seclusion

 
The world is full of silent angry people
Despair fills the void
Happiness is overrated
Buy some lose it who cares
Better catch up you’re the leader
In this strange race we call life
On second thought slow down a bit
Consider contentment as a vice
The cost is huge the perils real
To go against the grain raises slivers
No one trusts the lone who stand
But who else can say with truth
They sleep quite well at night

 

Ignorance is Knowledge Wasted
a child is born
quick cover his eyes
do not let him see your naked breast
shelter him anxiously
lest he learn too much
knowledge is a tool he must not gain to exist
this world is not ready to deal with the power he wields
leave things alone
do not change our ways
we are content the way we are
why do you wish to change this balance
are you insane
you will ruin us
be gone and take your ideas with you
we will stone the child to spare you the anguish
Leave us in peace

another step on the ladder

well this is good   I have  posted  I have reblogged and now I get to learn more new tricks

I hope I keep on the track I have set for myself, there is an post on the net about think

t=think

h=is it helpful

I =is it insightful

n=is it necessary

k=is it kind

I am attempting to use this to guide me thru posting commenting blogging  and if life stays on the same path I will fail

I have mentioned in one comment that I was hit in the head with a sidewalk at 5 months.  may not be the reason for my contradictory nature but I neither rule it out nor blame it .  life goes on no matter what. if impulse control is the price I pay for my creative streak I would waver between accepting with gratitude and cursing my luck and demanding a return policy

I have noticed that I am misconstrued for lack of a better word often and I would like to think its cuz I talk to the wrong people

I do meet people that I can just fall into a conversation with as easy as breathing

others well   laf mostly bosses just dont seem to understand  comprehend or  welcome my input

I believe it relates to that persons objective in life

if money power fame glory are your bag  you may not like my opinion

if you wish to question explore learn make mistakes laugh  please comment and I will laf one day soon manage to read your opinions learn about your personal challenges and I hope reward each other with new insights

I am not a traditional religious person  I attempt to respect all personal beliefs   but I am not above a spirited discussion of alternate theories

I do not read biographies or manifests or learned collections of thoughts as I  hmm am lazy… my life has been the hardy boys  nancy drew  zane grey  mystery  sci fi  Stephen king  and just about every thing  in fiction..  this is not important but I am not learned per say   my spelling is atrocious  thank you inventor of spell check…   I throw punctuation around like it was beads at Marti gra   never been  read about it  and my attempts at sentence structure are just that   the best I can do for now  

I hope again that I do not hurt anyone’s feelings thru my inability to think and type  I aim for a point and often go back to pick it up  or lose it  I care but I am losing my memory   I cared for my mother in the last decade of her life with dementia or Alzheimer’s  I saw how it started and progressed and I dislike that I am exhibiting signs already   but make hay while the sun shines    and I am thrashing out my thoughts while I still can find them     I like random access memory as a description of my ability to form coherent thought  paragraphs  I  laugh at myself now instead of getting embarrassed when I cant remember that word just out of reach  and or make a mistake    often   I like making up words that fit my purpose   aml  is a fav    at myself laugh   I would use lam but it looks like a typo  so on with the new  reread the old and  live life  mistakes and all    thank you

Hush! You’ll Wake the Dead!

I may be doing this wrong but best way to learn.. I cannot remember the word right now my word processor is acting up silly mind but the guy who cuts up bodies after death I have trouble with thinking too much I passed out getting a tattoo , passed out after giving blood not because of the loss of blood but because I thought about it the worst one was passing out in Vancouver general because I thought too much about the needle in my friends arm. I did manage to skin an animal once took a supreme effort.. to dissect a person to even think of doing so makes my vision foggy I handled my ex giving birth no problem wow did I get heck for eating a sugary snack to offset feelings of nausea riddle me that one … but I do not watch doctors at work on peoples insides on tv or movies.. so what ever quincy was I would never ever wish to be pathologist, medical examiner, coroner finally uhhhmeahh yuch gottsta stop thinking now

Cancer Isn't Pink

DAILY POST:NIGHTMARE JOB –
In honor of Labor Day in North America, tell us what’s the one job you could never imagine yourself doing.

FuneralParlr1950The worst job I could ever imagine would be an undertaker, a mortician. I could not be surrounded by such sadness day in and day out. My wild imagination would not allow me to be at the funeral home alone – ever! I would need someone (living of course) to be at my side constantly. And I am sure, even with a companion, I would see ghosts and hear moans and groans, whether they were real or not!

Any other job would be a step up from the mortician, even a septic pumper would be better, but I would not last long at that job either.

bakery1Let me sell donuts and cakes and strudels in a bakery instead, where women visit with their children and…

View original post 110 more words

blogged down but trying to power up…….. the intro to the I.E.S.E.

well that was another interesting blunder    maybe doesn’t show up there but somehow,,, lack of patience and a very slow wi fi    I have managed to post the same write  twice but when I go to delete one both go

as yes my laptop doubles as a mirror   look what you have done   can you see yourself now    bad enough I see myself on a rare occasion  but to see my nature laf   ah well  it can join 20/20 hindsight as something else I remember for a few minutes

I was struck by a thought yesterday and spent several hours gathering info for a pet theory of mine   dont have a clue as always so was quite fun trying to delete and space different articles I copied from wiki.   now I can slowly go through and try to offer for thought my theory on the internal expansion steam engine one man has said is possible.. flies in the face of the thermodynamic law if approached with skepticism  beforehand but the way he went about it there was no inference it was self supporting ie perpetual motion      actually he admitted to it all starting with a fairly bad mistake    and ending with a bang…..

I guess what bothered me the most is the way society approaches scientific endeavours   perhaps not the right words but close enough for my wandering mind   and even this is worded wrong   it bugs me that there are some ideas not  introduced in school due to interest of public safety  and or whatever but  I do wish I had learned of the properties of water early in life and why it was not good around electricity

I am older and dumber now and I spend some nights dreaming of the theory and some nights doing anything but.  I see no sense in trying to make h2 and o2 outta water, and then piping that back into a chamber to recombine and detonate.   losing 5-15 % of the energy I have to make up for just doesn’t seem to be really smart.. keep it simple    and I think they miss the point   I think they try to adapt a new principle to an old technology    they should not be trying to burn gas to make power they should maybe   maybe   try to ignite gas to expand water into steam  that way both the water expansion and the instant explosion of perfectly mixed browns gas or hydroxygen as its referred to on the crank channel    work together

yes the gas created by electrolysis out of water is not hydrogen and oxygen   it is stoicly correct and is 2parts hydro 1 part oxy  the hottest gas mixed with the perfect amount of here let me help you explode .  Dangerous to mix outside a lab as all it wants to do is go boom  so cant produce outside an engine and plumb it in  just guaranteed dumb   and this is all the time everytime gas  cannot vary ratio  also they mention dc current only ..ac not safe at all   and they mention and I am still trying to find it again that the hertz rate affects hydrogen production   that is  basically the rpm of the power plant .  Europe is different from us  again figures are avail I too lazy to get them right now

as the best argument I have right now has not been completely checked for 20/20 hindsight I am going to take a stab at it so I can stand back and look for errors in logic  the biggest clue I was right is the line from wiki that the combustion temp of this gas will approach 5000F  way to much for engines produced for the public  yet they also mention that if there was a deterrent to explosion the material used would suck up a lot of heat and lower temp     hmm water at around 2500F would be some pretty bad steam    water at 140 should blow off a bypass on your water heater  50 psi perhaps   would math be linear and I could conclude that 20 times temp equals 20 times pressure  =1000 psi   but I have no facts yet

….. but my mad little mind  being full of random bits of info wants to jump up and say   oh but tell them about the 2 cycle part ted  and the free supercharging  and the fact burning h2o produces water   and and and        slow down I tell myself    stop look think  slow   so I am going to go to my draft on here and gather up a few more bits and pieces and insert them and on and on   until I can see the light

and have a few more needed figures

and then I changed my mind and made another page for this